Gift-Giving at Work: If It Makes Sense, Do It – No Matter What Experts Say

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Dec 20, 2013
This article is part of a series called Classic TLNT.

Editor’s Note: The holiday season is here, and TLNT is celebrating with classic holiday posts from the past. Look for them through Dec. 23.

Now that we’re deep into December and Christmas is just around the corner, I think it’s safe to ask – what did you give your Boss this year, anyway?

I don’t know about all of you, but I have given more holiday gifts for bosses – and co-workers and people who worked for me, too – than I care to admit. That’s waned a bit the last few years, unfortunately, as the end-of-the-year bonuses have gone south. A sign of the times, I suppose.

But, buying holiday gifts for people you work for and with never struck me as a problem. To me, it always seemed to be the right thing to do, especially when times were good.

Too bad I seem to be in the minority about that, and for the life of me, I don’t know why.

Is giving a Christmas gift to your boss a problem?

I’ve been reading a lot about gift giving at work the last few days, and the more I read the more surprised I get because there are a lot of real and faux experts out there who claim that giving a Christmas gift to a boss (or in some cases, even a co-worker) is a problem.

For example, The New York Times Bucks blog got into it this week, pointing out that “some bloggers have also joined the debate, arguing against giving bosses a gift this holiday season.”

One of those bloggers is Penelope Trunk, a person who seems to have no shortage of silly “advice” on this topic, including things like, “it’s bad for your company to have everyone give end-of-the-year gifts” and, “next year, remember to give a Thanksgiving gift to your boss because it’s a non-religious holiday and it’s about giving thanks instead of honoring Jesus’s birthday.”

I don’t know how many places Ms. Trunk has worked at, but I have never been employed at any company that gave out end-of-the-year holiday gifts (usually bonuses) that couldn’t afford it. What’s so bad about an organization sharing some of the rewards of a good year with the workforce? Believe me, if the company can’t afford it, they won’t give it. Yes, I know a little something about that, too.

And giving the boss a gift on Thanksgiving because it’s a non-religious holiday? I’ve never gotten an end-of-the-year bonus anywhere that was given to honor “Jesus’s birthday,” as Trunk would have it. What company with a functional HR department would ever allow that?

If it was just Penelope Trunk yapping about how giving the boss a holiday gift is a problem, I’d probably just write it off as the result of too much egg nog or a lack of common sense, but do a Internet search and you’ll find a lot of bloggers and so-called experts – like this one on MSNBC — making the same silly (and sad) argument.

Etiquette expert Peter Post weighs in

The smartest advice on this – the only expert opinion that made any sense to me – came via that Times’ Bucks blog. They talked to Peter Post, etiquette expert at The Emily Post Institute.

According to Mr. Post, such a gift is a way of “saying thank you.” But while he recommends showing appreciation to bosses and coworkers, he doesn’t recommend giving each individual a unique gift.

Instead, he said managers should consider giving group gifts to their employees such as taking everyone out for lunch or dinner or giving everyone the same gift. Employees, meanwhile, he said, should consider pooling $15 to $20 each and buying their manager a gift from the group.

For the manager, a group gift or giving the same gift to everyone eliminates the risk of appearing to play favorites. Meanwhile, for employees, a group gift for the boss eliminates the risk employees will compete to give the best gift.

‘If you do it as a group gift then everybody is part of the process and nobody is outshining the other person,’ he said. “You keep the gift as something that it should to be, which is a way to say thank you.”

Now, I may not agree with all that Peter Post says about holiday gift-giving to bosses and co-workers, but it makes a lot more sense than some blogger lecturing that you shouldn’t give anybody in the office anything at all.

I believe in giving holiday gifts at work

Here’s my bottom line: Whenever it was possible, I tried to give my bosses/staff/close co-workers some token of appreciation for all they had done all year with a gift at the holidays. I didn’t tie it to “Jesus’s birthday,” or give it simply because I felt I had to. When I gave holiday gifts to co-workers, whether they be to staff or my boss, I did it because I wanted to share some of the blessings I had received during the year, blessings I had received from them and from the company alike.

Peter Post makes some good points, but I have always felt that holiday gift giving is an intensely personal act and that you – and only you – know if it is the right thing to do. Any expert giving you silly, broad-brush advice saying otherwise just hasn’t spent enough time in enough organizations to know what they’re talking about.

PS: Want some tips on some last minute gifts for that boss and co-workers you DON”T really like very well? If so, you’ll enjoy this video.

This article is part of a series called Classic TLNT.
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